Mediocrity

Photo taken on our 2nd anniversary {many moons ago!} on the isle of Kaua’i, with Brian and Julie Prue: two people who are proof God loves us and has great things in store.

Last Monday morning, after sleeping until 9:15am, gathering my things, and heading to Panera to do a little writing, I received a text message from Glenn:

Good Morning K-Money! Hope you have a mediocre day with maybe just a tiny bit of productivity! #lowexpectations

It warmed my heart. And helped me have one of the best, most productive, positive days I’ve had in a while.

Here’s the deal: As you may recall from this post, I set ridiculously high goals for myself and have a hard time being ok with anything lower than the best.

THIS IS NOT A HEALTHY WAY TO LIVE, PEOPLE!

It’s the furthest thing from freedom. And I want to be free in all aspects of life!

I’m working on it.

Back to the text message from G-Money. This week, we have decided to make mediocrity the goal.  I know that sounds weird, but it’s actually been really helpful. Let’s take last night, for example. I was checking in on some blogs I follow, most of them women who have “achieved” what I hope to achieve in my writing career: they have monetized their writing, have book deals, are excellent photographers, have thousands of people who read what they write every day, and get to travel all around the world because of their blogs.

I started to go down the path of “Man! I wish I could achieve success of that level in my writing!” This type of thinking never ends well. Actually, it almost always ends in me deciding there’s no point to what I’m doing and that I will never succeed at anything.

I have a problem.

Like I said, I’m working on it.

At any rate, instead of giving me the usual positive pep talk and telling me all the great things I’m capable of {which, side note, I am. So are you. Truth.} Glenn turned to me and said, ever so calmly: “It’s a good thing you’re just doing all this writing for fun, because you probably won’t ever get to do any of that stuff, and your blog will probably never be as successful as any of theirs!”

That may sound strange and mean, but trust me when I tell you it was said SO gently with the perfect hint of sarcasm.  This reverse psychology totally worked. Instead of heading down the freeway of doom, I stopped for a second and said “Oh yea, I probably won’t ever be as popular as they are. That’s not why I’m doing this! I AM doing this for fun and to have a place to express what it is to be ME!  I’ll just keep doing it and see what happens.”

There you have it.

Here I am, writing to all of you, sharing blips of inner insanity. Giving glimmers into the friendships, the drama, the travels, the foods that make up my life. And, really, it is a GREAT life that I lead.  A life that is so much more than mediocre.

Don’t tell Glenn I said that.

Much love to each and every one of you.

~Kristin

Success

Thoughts of purpose, success, and how to define my life goals have been filling my mind lately. It could be because many of my waking hours have been spent listening to Oprah and thinking about the legacy I want to leave. It could also be due to the challenging words I heard during a recent Sunday church service: “Serve God where you are now, and let Him control where you go next.” I am realizing that I have, in some ways, buried my purpose since coming to Little Rock. I haven’t allowed myself to shine, I haven’t allowed myself to succeed, I haven’t allowed myself to serve others through my gifts because I don’t really want to be here.

I will likely share more of this with all of you in the coming weeks as I continue to process. For now let’s talk success.

According to Webster’s success is: degree or measure of succeeding or favorable or desired outcome.

Favorable or desired outcome. Is it just me, or does it seem like the favorable or desired outcome is impossible? Like success is impossible? Like failure is imminent? I think a part of me feels this every day, in one aspect of my life or another.

As I slowly learn and grow, as I push and drag myself to be the healthiest {emotionally, spiritually, physically, relationally} the more I realize I avoid goals. I shy away from telling people what success would be for me. Why? Because I have a deeply rooted fear, founded in lies I choose to believe, that I won’t get my goals. What if I don’t do it? What if I fail?

My heart is at war with my head. One side says Stop! It’s not worth the risk! You’ll never be able to do it! Why try when it’s impossible? While the other speaks truth: You can do all things {ALL THINGS!} through Christ who gives you strength. You are capable of so much more than you could even imagine! Success is only possible when there’s a risk of failure. You’re worth it!

Argh, the work that goes into being healthy.

What was the last time you allowed yourself to set a ridiculous goal, a goal you thought was close to impossible, a goal you very well may have failed at? Did you make it? Did you get close? Closer than you’ve ever gotten before?

That is success.

Sure, I wanted to have lost 20 pounds by today instead of 12… but 12 is a heck of a lot closer to my goal than 0 is.  Yea, I would have liked to have completely stopped waking up in the night with minor {or major… take your pick} anxiety. But waking up once or twice a month, and knowing what to do when anxiety comes, is significantly better than what used to happen 2 years ago. {Which was, in case you were wondering, regular illness and slight hysteria.}

And now for a happy story:

Last week I had a moment of undeniable success. I blew success out of the water.  I did something I honestly, HONESTLY, never thought was possible.

Glenn had challenged me to beat my “mile” record of 8 minutes. I know people run entire races at a faster pace than that, but these short little legs were pushing it to get 8 minutes. Glenn told me that if I could run a 7:50 mile, he would buy me two new pairs of the world’s greatest running socks. The Nike Elite Cushion Stability Running Socks. These socks are $14.

FOURTEEN DOLLARS A PAIR. For SOCKS!

Understandably, I have only one pair. I wash that one pair multiple times a week so that I can wear them on all my serious runs. Two new pairs sounded miiiiighty fine. But a 7:50 mile? That is fast. Really fast. And the last time I ran an 8 minute mile was over a year ago.  I was sure I couldn’t do it, at least no time soon.

For some reason, last Tuesday, I decided to try it. I was sick of living in fear of failure. I wanted to succeed. To prove to myself, and Glenn, that I could push myself harder than ever before.

I ran a mile in 7:47.

I ROCK! Aaah, the sweet taste of success. Aaaah, the sweet smell of new socks. It was a good day.

There is so much more I have to say about this subject, but for today:

May you acknowledge the successes you have already achieved, and challenge yourself to become who you are *truly* capable of being.

Love to you all,

~Kristin