An Ideal Hamburger

An Ideal Hamburger – by Kristin Murdock

The basis of the hamburger, especially an Ideal Hamburger, is the meat itself. Ground beef, from a butcher, with an 80/20 ratio of meat to fat.

To maintain the integrity of an Ideal Hamburger, the handling of said meat must be kept to a minimum. A simple formation and “smack” to flatten the patty will do.

An Ideal Hamburger becomes one with its bun, cheese, and condiments making the following the only acceptable toppings:

1. Buttered, toasted bun – classic hamburger, brioche, or potato are all acceptable. Stay away from whole wheat.
2. American cheese. It shouldn’t even be allowed to contain the word “cheese” in its name, but, nonetheless, it is the only acceptable milk product to add to an Ideal Hamburger.
3. Sauteed onions.
4. Crisped bacon.
5. Iceberg lettuce. Preferably shredded.
6. A slice of tomato.
7. Ketchup.
8. Yellow mustard.

If you are so inclined, you can add a toothpick with a pimiento olive to the burger, just to prove to everyone around you that you are eating — say it with me now — AN IDEAL HAMBURGER.

*these ideal hamburgers were brought to you courtesy of Glenn’s Thirtieth Birthday Party where it became all too obvious that we are in the bambino stage of life — just look at this photo as proof!*

Happy weekend, all!