Hard Times in Blogland

People. I have a hard time writing sometimes.

You see, I am an avoider.

I avoid hard things.

Emotions, because they are very tricky and it’s hard work to process through them. Exercise, because I don’t think I can really do it well enough. Cleaning, because the house will just get dirty again. Eating well, because it’s SO HARD TO LOSE WEIGHT I almost don’t want to try anymore. Prayer, because I can’t lie to God about how I really feel. Writing, because I am not exactly sure what it is I’m trying to do here, or if anyone will want to read it.

Japan Bike
this photo is a bike in japan. i edited it in photoshop which is, yes, something else i am avoiding.

I have been reading more blogs lately, and have been particularly impressed with Jami Nato and her willingness to share whatever is going on in her life — fun and ugly, silly and deep. While I was thumbing through some of her older posts, I came across this one, on Blog Encouragement. It both convicted and encouraged me.  I have a tendency to fall into the comparison/shame game. I do it in almost every area of my life: “My house isn’t decorated as nicely as so-and-so’s… I must not be good at vision or design. I’m not losing weight as quickly as so-and-so… I must not be trying hard enough. Our finances aren’t where we want them to be… God must not want to bless us in that way.”

LIES. They’re all lies.

I believe lies about myself and about God EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

I recently went through Beth Moore’s Breaking Free Bible study with a group of awesome ladies. If you haven’t done this study, you should. It’s absolutely incredible how much TRUTH Beth Moore shares, and how much God’s grace oozes from her writing and words. Actually, if you haven’t done the study and are interested {and live in the San Diego area}, e-mail me. I want to do it again.  Anyway, a big part of the study is on the lies we believe, and tearing down those lies so that we can replace them with God’s Truth.

Be your {true} self. Love your {true} self. Share your {true} self. This is freedom.

I need to be the me that God created me to be.  He makes me kinder, gentler, stronger, and more fun than I could ever be on my own. I need to love who I am, because God loves me so greatly, just as I am.  I need to share and give of myself  — the vision, joy, laughter, and freedom I have will make the world a better place the more I share them with others.

So there you have it. A little bit of why I have a hard time writing and blogging sometimes. A glimmer of the lies I believe. And hope that the Truth that is replacing those lies will bring freedom to everyone it touches.





I am sad. And lonely.

I don’t like to write about sadness or loneliness very much; it’s not really a very fun topic. But it’s real life, and my continued journey toward being the healthiest person I can be requires the processing of REAL emotions. Emotions like sadness. So here it is, dear World Wide Web Friends, my sadness laid out for all of you to bear with me.

I miss my friends. Sometimes it makes me feel sick, how lonely I am here in Little Rock. Glenn and I are so blessed to have so many friends all over the world, to have people to miss and people who miss us. Right now most of those people aren’t anywhere near us, though, and sometimes that just makes me really sad.

I am saddened by the uncertainty of our future. The thought that years of hard work and sacrifice could end in us not getting our own restaurant is heart breaking. Of course I do not believe this will be the outcome, and of course if it IS the outcome I know whatever God has in store for us will be even better, but it’s still sad to think about. And let’s be serious, it’s hard not knowing what the future holds. On the best of days it’s a great adventure filled with excitement. On the worst of days it’s gut-wrenching uncertainty and it gives me diarrhea. Story of my life. {Yes, I did just refer to diarrhea as the story of my life. I only speak the truth.}

I am sad that my parents are getting older. I am so blessed to have parents who are still alive, who love me more than words can express, and who have demonstrated through their own lives that the only thing that really matters is Jesus. Sure, they did their fair share of screwing me up like any parent does, and I am sending my therapy bill their way {kidding, Mom!}, but I’m sad that they are mortal human beings in their second half of life. I kind of want them to live forever, to be around for my kids’ lives, and to continue to both annoy me and make me laugh every time I talk to them.

There are a lot of other things that I’m sad about, but the ones closest to my heart today are these three. Thanks for living in this moment of sadness with me. I’m grateful for all of you, and grateful for my emotions even if they aren’t always fun.