It is night time on December 2nd, 2013 — only a few hours away from December 3rd — the day Branch Lionheart Murdock will be born. I spent today in a fairly ordinary fashion, which is how I wanted to spend it. I made myself eggs and an english muffin. I showered. I met my Mom and two of my sisters for lunch at the mall. Glenn is picking up Chipotle and bringing it back here for dinner. The only “out of the ordinary” thing I did was get myself a swanky manicure/pedicure at an up-scale nail salon I have only been to twice. It was pretty awesome. I figured if there was a day to do it, today was the day.
I have to stop eating by midnight tonight. I spoke with the anesthesiologist on the phone today and she said I am allowed to have gatorade and water until 8am, which made me super excited, because I had anticipated not being able to even have any water after midnight.
I hope I don’t throw up tomorrow. I REALLY hate throwing up. The anesthesiologist is now aware of this fact, and said she will do everything in her power to make it so I don’t get nauseous.
I hope Glenn doesn’t pass out. He has a “thing” where he passes out more than the average human. It’s been several years now since he has had an “episode”, but large needles going into my spine, and being in the same room as me as I’m being sliced open aren’t really going to help matters.
I hope Branch is born alive. His chances are good of being born alive, but it isn’t guaranteed.
I hope God’s shield continues to surround me, and that I can be present for every second of Branch’s life.
I hope I don’t lose it — and I mean REALLY lose it, like shaking uncontrollably and not being able to even get one word out and hysterical crying that is in no way consolable — during my time at the hospital. This isn’t really in my history, but if it were to happen, I would rather it not be while I’m stuck in the hospital.
I hope Branch’s hats and clothes fit. Our friend Jenna made him two hats specifically for anencephalic babies. They are so small and sweet. They are perfect.
I hope he knows how much we love him. That he can feel it now, and that he will feel it in every minute he spends with us tomorrow. I hope God tells him how perfect he is. How many people cared. How he changed us forever and made our lives better.
I hope people remember Branch. When the tragedy of our story fades away. When we have more kids. When everything seems ok but my heart is still hurting.
I hope part of Branch’s legacy is encouraging someone else to carry their baby. If there were anything I would hope, out of this entire experience, it would be that our lives would point to God above all else, and that someone would be encouraged to CARRY their baby. God is always good. Always. It is always worth carrying your baby. Always.
Love to you all,
ps. I probably won’t be updating Facebook or the blog until later in the week. Thank you so much for your encouragement and prayers! I LOVE you all.